Ugh...😒 folks I am GROWING EVERY DAY! I have never tried to present myself as someone who has arrived because quite frankly, I have not. I just like to share what works for me & wisdom I have learned from my path with others to hopefully help them avert the disasters I have found myself in. This post is dedicated to another thing that I do to prevent being hurt or caught off guard...Looking for the meaning in EVERYTHING.
This was actually brought to my attention by my partner a year or so ago. She asked me something along the lines of why I was trying to figure out the meaning of something that was bothering me pretty badly. It wasn't the type of question where someone disregards your feelings about something but rather it left me with the feeling of, why do you have to figure out the meaning of everything that happens. I felt she was asking what is the goal of figuring every little thing out? I thought about it when she said it but I didn't put much more thought into it because I felt it made me "spiritual" to see what's behind the veil of everything. Of course I didn't realize that's what I was doing at the time.
I now realize that was part of the mask of me having to have control over everything so that I won't hurt anymore. A light bulb went on & I honestly got discouraged. This sneaky form of hypervigilance is very draining for me & causes me pain that I didn't even realize. It's part of the overthinking that I do. I struggle to relax & not be constantly trying to improve myself. Now don't get me wrong, I think it is good to look for ways to improve ourselves but the constant on to the next thing & never relaxing into the goodness of the accomplishments that I have made is not good for me. I never think to just allow things to be what they are. I read a daily reading & it talked about if you get a flat tire, sitting & analyzing why the flat tire happened keeps you in an unproductive loop. You need to take action & get the tire fixed. Such a simple thing that will take care of the anxiety but I would get caught up in how I attracted that into my life. Yea, I know...overthinking much right? I seriously do this & never gave much thought to how draining or controlling it is.
I don't want to suffer anymore for sure but I was causing my own suffering operating this way. Have I arrived? Absolutely not but I take the little bits of awareness that I get that show me that I can relax & not think so hard. Life has shown me that I am capable of handling A LOT. I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. I tell myself this when I'm frazzled by the next thing that comes to knock me off course. Yea I may fall down but you watch me stand back up every time. I am human, I am flawed, & I am still a wonderful person.
So let's work on not overthinking so much. Allow things to happen. If there's a lesson in it then I'm sure you'll learn it. Release the stress of having to have it all figured out for safety. You are safe & you are very capable of taking care of yourself. I believe in you!